anything to numb the pain

i am so so sorry for anything that i've said or done that has hurt you...

- - -


anything to numb the pain, to cloud my judgement to restore a temporary blindness; amnesiac in bliss, frustration fades away left with self-indulgant feelings of my over-bloated sense of nihilistic bliss... and the mask i wear covers up the scars and makes me acceptable in your eyes. your eyes. your eyes like fire, burn through all i see and feel. feel... i don't feel, i have numbed the pain, partaken of the chalice, bottoms up and sweet surrender.

for now she is a memory, with details that erased must be.

i see her face and remember her eyes, but nothing else remains except the wounds that will not heal... "You are so un-judgemental", the scars tell another story, a story of sucking in my pride and admitting that we are not that different you and I, but through some hand of fate I have been saved what seems a more difficult state. A cloud of swirling judgement hinders your thoughts, i am not from the cloud, I am different, I see beyond, see that which you thought was dead. I pierce through the wall and awaken the child that still sits alone and cries. I wrap my arms around and shelter what you loan me, waiting for another morsel, another brick to crumble down.

My hand is reaching out, but I am not on solid ground... My footing though temporarily sure is but a moment from a different truth.

...I judge as, my eyes see... I judge and I am just...

unwelcome ones, your time has come...

servants of the fallen, fight to pave the way, for our saviours calling, on this wicked day...

-where is my love.
Is she here? Is she gone?

Fallen in with other sorts....

..in my mind, she runs and only looks back to she how far she's come from what she should be running to, and yet my mind it lies, deceives, believes a truth that never will be seen, why do i fight to save my all...

because i know that she believes and I know that she is coming back; the oxygen is running out and you can't hold your breath so long my dear...

and we will be like we wanted to be, dreaming about the place we seemed to find just then...

and truth will not delay us and the ships will fight to save us
for we will go marching on in such a race,

and be the respectible sort and complain about the little scrapes, i see it all and I understand that this is not the way that we should go, the way we know...

falling in line, following a distant star,
never too late to turn around
or return our feet to solid ground
and yet my heart, oh my heart...

weeping softly
you can almost see me
through the mist
fallacy of joy
i muster up the strength
and pay the price

sleep now the weary.... for I am about to be carried the rest of the way, my arm will not heal and my eye has fixed itself shut, still i sit and dream about what i and we should be

close the door
cut the lights
raise the mast
and we are gone.