i saw a horse today...

posted on myspace 31 may 2007

i saw a horse today...
Category: Pets and Animals

running around in circles, i don't know where he was going... i assumed he was a he.

but he was going, and going pretty fast.... at least i thought so... but i guess fast is only as fast as you think it is...
and no one is as fast as you...


i had a dream about running once... one of those endless dreams, where you wake up and you still feel like you're running half an hour later. you sit down in the chair and start panting because of the exercise and your flatmate asks, why are you panting... you just got up?

after weeks of nothing and zip and nada even getting up takes it out of you...

this morning i got up and walked out of the front door, stupid lawn mower, ruining a perfectly good drunken saunter towards the letterbox. paper... not there, stupid mail boy. i haven't seen our daily paper all week.

saunter back inside, collapse on arm chair, dressing gown falls open revealing boxer shorts and protruding stomach region. flick on tv.

crap. crap. crap. crap... foreign crap...amateur crap...

you know that feeling that you really should be doing something but in fact you have nothing to do, the lawn is mowed, the clothes are drying, assessments are all done. girlfriend's at work...

what is a man to do. i resumed saunter pace, this time with a raggedy shirt and pants on; roughly in the direction of the corner convienience store. i picked up a bread roll and dragged it to the counter..

'ooo noo, they not gewd... fresh batch sewn'

frustrated i return the crusty roll and head back to the flat.

- - - - -

mum and aunt and uncle were yelling tonight, i don't know what about... but im sure it means no pudding for me, and more stress for dad...

dad works really hard, he has two jobs and he spends time with us, hes the best...

mum and i talk loud a lot, i dont think she hears me some times... i dont think she knows what i am saying... but thats ok i guess, cause she does heaps for us, and doesn't get a lot of hugs....

i think hugs are like money... the more hugs you get the more money you have. or maybe its the more hugs you give, i dunno.

- -

turns out i did get desert, i wasn't expecting it after the yelling before. i had to eat it in my room, but its better than having none, but i did want to watch tv tonight so its not a perfect ending. i should read my book, i dont want to but i should. its about this guy, well. lots of guys and they do all this stuff with swords and spears and sheilds. there are girls too, but they dont do stuff with swords or anything. my friend alice, she says the book is biassd, i dont know what that means but she said its about the fact that she wants to play with swords and she thinks the book is wrong because in the book girls dont play with swords. i think she is wrong. she doesn't do sword stuff good... and her sword is ugly.

but tomorrow we are going to the park, and i love this park cause it has a big fountain in the middle with painted pictures on the inside of the fountain, so you can see fish and stuff as your playing...

- - - - -

its been a long day and sandy has decided that she is going to go straight to bed tonight. she is too tired and doesn't want to be up late, even though she's special and needs to stay up late.
thats what dad says anyway...

- - -

he is seated, calm, serene. the sun washes over his forehead, caked in a red substance of some sort. he waits for a few moments before getting up and walking over to the basin, it is filled with red. he gently places his hands in the red, cups it and brings it up; covering his face in it.

- - -

why does it hurt so much...

- - -

blood drips down his neck and makes its way down his back and legs before starting a pool at his feet

- - -

DONT YOU ******* TOUCH ME

- - -

cleansing..

- - -

DONT YOU DARE TOUCH HER

- - -

i don't really feel anything anymore, not since... then...

sometimes in the mirror i see something, a fleeting glimpse, a flicker of light... but it quickly fades... replaced with the clouds...

- - -
why doesn't it shine anymore... why its got no power

- - -

i sat in the shower last night and just let the water run over me, i felt at peace, calm for the first time in years. part of me could feel the power bill coming on, the other needed to stay there to feel safe.

- - -

i walked outside this morning, i had heard thunderclouds before, and expected rain. But the sun was beginning to shine again; little bits of light flickering off leaves and stones. i walked out to the road and just watched; looking back and forward.

i saw someone drudge out and reach their letterbox, reaching for it, leaning on it. she was smoking a cigarette, or rather holding one securely in the corner of her mouth, wisps of smoke curling through her long hair. I waved. she didn't see. i cry out 'good morning' and wave, a grand beaming smile... she looks up, sees me; looks up and down the street, looks back at me. removes the cigarette and smiles back. a little wave. it is a start. i watch her hobble back; she looks in pain on one side.

- -

some seed was planted amongst thorns, which leeched all the moisture and choked the seed.

some horses are made into glue.

some people are glue, they fit people together like jigsaw puzzles and then walk away marvelling at what they have done. though they tend to be blindfolded most of the time and aren't really putting matching pieces together, more forcing two odd shaped bits into unholy covenant.

words to say, to say what all i mean.

and where does it start, and where does it seem to matter to those around me...