...wash me in blood and let me be, the first-born of the dead...

posted on myspace 11 june 2007



...wash me in blood and let me be, the first-born of the dead...
Current mood: chipper
Category: Parties and Nightlife

A crowned rider with arrows and bow
A red rider with a great firey sword
Flames come from the one called death
Horror and apocalypse follows

Ride, won't you four horsemen ride again
Before this kingdom is blown to kingdom come
I hold fast to what I believe
Till I see my name in stone

Blessed are the dead

- "Blessed are the dead" Dave Mustaine (Megadeth)


- - - - -

sometimes i stop and feel ill, my head hurts and the world starts shaking...

then you watch reality crumble away like so many broken pieces of glass. you pull your limbs towards yourself and graple and anything you can feel, and start to recognise the familiar pain of the blood spilt on the floor.

but theres always a pin prick from below, a solid shaft of heat and fire which burns away the blood and washes away my tears.

and theres a sleeping girl whos smiling and oh so understated...

- - - - -

but the feeling remains that i'm drowning under silence and the bespeakled nature of the clouds above betray a truth i can't ignore. That time set by the heavens is about to set its course upon a world scant aware of its nature.

she is fair and oh so fine and sometimes i wonder if i can lie here forever sitting under her grace, the faint whisper of her hair and the enunciation of her breath belies the volumes underneath her skin. still i sit here and time ignores me subtley before turning to attack for I have cursed and screamed at its rules for far too long and it can no longer take the abuse. set beneath a starry sky the waves gently lapping against the side with their echo relfecting cursively upon my gentle bliss.

Her dark eyes and dark hair and dark mystery beneath the layers of her mind hides itself and subtely hints at something more; torturing every breath that stains the memory that i must go and leave and walk away and never return to the sanctity I have stolen.

But to watch is to stare and glare and regail myself with her beauty. Her hand reaches up and grasps my chin, bare and clean it slivers generously under her touch...

.. ITS TOO LATE NOW RIDE ON FOR I HAVE STOLEN AND CANT GIVE BACK WHAT WASNT MINE AND I SHALL PAY OH HOW I SHALL PAY FOR MY IGNORANCE AND MY PLATITUDES AND THE FRIGHTENING FEELING THAT SOMETHING SOMEWHERE KNOWS AND WANTS TO AVENGE ITSELF UPON ME PULLING ME UNDER AND BEATING ME BEATING ME DOWN TO THE GROUND>>>

whipsers return and they reach up and grab and bite and scream at me for my undue influence and a sacrifice I never made, a lie i never told. It does not matter for I am falling into infinity; yet why has the noise left me awake and wondering what the score is and where I fell away into these gentlescenes from a memory that isn't mine and wasn't mine and should have been left behind in the agony in which it was birthed.

All i shall look forward to is when dream and day unite and hustle up the change of seasons that will leave me TRAPPED INSIDE THIS>>>>>>>>> TRAPPED INSIDE THIS>>>>>>>> TRAPPED INSIDE THIS>>>>>>>>>>> TRAPPED INSIDE THIS>>>>>>>>>>

bleed away my love
dont wait for the water to change into wine
for its been so long since I kissed you
and i drift away from you.

- - - - -

parting is such sweet sorrow.

- - - - -

wander, oh i wander amongst the stars. all is quiet and finally free from all the love i once new.
theres an echo somewhere but if i do ignore it shall ignore and find another victim for its mindless stupidity. for a battle call is sounded and the mind it has been founded on a truth i can't ignore or let go of to finally find that its all out there and partly in here and hiding from what it should trust...

the substance of the question put to me of shall i tell the truth or shall i tell a truth or should the truth simply come out in whatever form it may, and i talk about my girlfriend and you ask me who she is and I tell you I don't have one.. and you ask whose body I dragged in here and carved up and i tell you its not there and i'm not here and you're not here and this is a construct and a fantasy but YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME AND YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH AS IF YOU CAN EVER KNOW THE TRUTH BUT NO DAMMIT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW I FEEL AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS FOR IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN AND I FORCE MYSELF TO CONSTRUCT TO CREATE TO REALLY LIVE inside these demands of yours because you refuse to move along and instead demand something you can share and talk about and live a little vicariously through me but i will go places you don't want to and i will talk of things that you won't see and spend my life in constant motion circling around you with little shapes of trees and ghosts and children playing and you don't belong here and I DONT BELONG HERE I DONT BELONG HERE I DONT BELONG HERE, wrapped up in your skull, shaking my fist and screaming out your name but you won't hear me you can't hear me locked in a cage of your own making demanding that i tell you what is real and what is fake... the only response you'll ever get is one of bile and filth for the contempt you have shown me with the test that stumped them all...

- - -

silence beckons through the mist

- - -

Take me or leave me, don't have to believe me
All the words I have to say, all the songs that fly away
Take me or leave me, believe me good will come

It's OK, you know I'll live to fight another day
It's OK, you know I'll live to find another way

She's as pretty as hell and her eyes have no home
The beauty has run from your face
Such beauty that hung from your face
And if you would drink this wine you'll shine

It's OK, you know I'll live to fight another day
It's OK, you know I'll live to find the words to say
It's OK, you know I'll live to find another way
And if you would give me holy wine, I'll shine

Will you come to me like
A Summers Day
I will sing again

Written by Martin Smith/Stuart Garrard ©1999 Curious? Music UK