...we've got it...

we got the St. Andrews Court Flat. which I guess I am excited about.

I am sure I will be more excited once we have moved, the idea of moving twice in 4 months is not exciting me beyond measure...

however it will be a much larger place... and we won't have cable tv anymore which i think might be a good thing - i watch a lot of it at the moment.
although the last week its all been fairly crapy.

back to the video store I guess.
theres one in elanora, but it looked fairly dissappointing. still looking for that quintessential 'great' video store, like 'alice' in christchurch... greatest video store ever...

Be nice to be in a bigger room as well. my room at mo is tiny, and there is crap everywhere, all over the floor.
to be fair i haven't 'gotten back on my feet' financially since I moved in, so there may even be organisation to come.

cranked through my first episode of HOP and spent the last few hours working on a promo for next weeks episode.
For people with nothing better to do, my first HOP will be airing on June 10th.
Watch for the subliminal messages... hehehehehehehehehehehe

if i put subliminal messages in, bad things might happen.

J.

...that the joke was on me...

with the current onslaught of 'Hour Of Power' dubs I shall perhaps be blogging more.....



...or less.

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BTW I now work for CCTV. As a video editor.
I edit the Australia & New Zealand versions of the show 'Hour Of Power'

hooray for doom.

seriously its good work that stimulates certain currently un-stimulated regions of the brain. and pays better than my label job, at least so i'm told...

- - - - - - - - - -

the joke is that I started a dub of NZ 1 hour and then realised that I need to be here for the end, so i can't leave work till 7.45 or so.

but i shall blog and surf a bit so the evening won't be an entire waste.

or maybe it will

tune in next week.

J.

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

This is my current memory scripture i think. the one i need to memorise.

so often I get caught up in desiring something from God, or wanting something.
But ultimately, true intimacy comes from simply wanting God, wanting more of Him in us.

I think that the times when i am anxious [be anxious for nothing] or fearful [fear not for I am with you says the Lord] or trying to do something my way under my power [its not by might nor by power but by My spirit says the Lord].
This is when I am seeking God for something that I want, rather than seeking Him for His own sake.

-

Then when I get to church... what is PPP preaching about? Prayer and intimacy with God, seeking Him for Who He Is rather than What He Can Do.

- - - - - - - - - -

I will not name names. But the other day I flicked onto ACC and there was a show on called 'What God Can Do For You'

to quote a song i rememeber from the film 'sister act'
"What have you done for Him lately"
this second quote at least has the emphasis in the right place.

Isn;t life meant to be about what we are doing for God. Shouldn't God be first, us last.

This is the thing I think I am dealing with at the moment.
It seems like more a layer deeper than the previous issue I was dealing with, that of relying on God for provision

Selah

J.

....why oh why....

i got up at around 5 this morning, after waking up at 1.30, 3, 4, 4.30

i had to be up early to do a tesh shoot for my short film.
shows how awake i am ... hehe 'tesh shoot'

- - - - - - - - - -

We didn't get the place in St Andrews Gate, which i'm sure I should be more upset about, but you know...
God is in control, and everything that happens is designed to draw us closer to Him and to get us to rely more on Him and trust in Him, at least, this is my current revelation.

So i think for now the sights are firmly set on Forestville, which is the other side of college but i think a tad bit closer.

- - - - - - - - - -

Hopefully Kerry had her meeting with Paul yesterday and hopefully the CCTV budget is now set, which means hopefully they can offer me a job.

Its like 'God, here is good, this is my limit, the edge of my comfort zone, the edge of my sanity'
God: I think you can go a bit further
Me: i don't think i can.
God: yeah you can
Me: uh
God: yes
Me:uh
God: do you trust me...
Me: uh
Me: yeah why not...AAARGRGGHHHGHh

Its like leaning over a precipice.
its like being able to spell precipice...

frightening.

don't think about your bank balance
don't think about your bank balance
don't think about your bank balance

in God we trust... kinda...

i'm getting better.

mystic...

the previous web site i posted a link to accused Mr. Crabtree of near-mystical beliefs...

perhaps he is right, perhaps he is wrong.


Its easy when you are only judging based on sound-bites.


But it forced me to think about myself and mysticism. Where do i stand.

Good-ol-reliable Dictionary.com spells it out for us

1 a Immediate consciousness of the transcendent or ultimate reality or God.
b The experience of such communion as described by mystics.
2 A belief in the existence of realities beyond perceptual or intellectual apprehension that are central to being and directly accessible by subjective experience.
3 Vague, groundless speculation.

1: In a finite way. We can only understand so much of God. Why can we only understand so much of God. more on this later
2: Yes, agree, kinda. ugly implication, perhaps a better choice of words...
3: This sounds like it was added to appease some loud screaming minority... or majority, whatever the case may be.

I think the downside with the mystic path is it tends to suggest that we are governing our own experience.
This negates any need for admonishment or accountability, because your experience is subjective and thats what makes it so important to you.

I prefer the model of the Teacher & the student.

also a danger I would see in mysticism is if anything objective is discounted. a drifting down the thought line of everything is subjective and there can be no absolutes.

I guess in some ways we would seem positively mystical considering our belief in the power of the tongue, and in spiritual gifts and manifestations which would frighten the average conservative catholic... at least in theory.

(http://www.mgdehoop.waarbenjij.nu/) - Margriet

...creepy...

what are Jeff Crabtree's initialls...


...creepy...

http://peter.neal.id.au/blog/31/musical-edification-or-musical-experience

....destroy everything you touch, today, destroy me, in this way...

One hour.
And she may arrive
one hour
then i can go
one hour
seems so far
one hour
yet
one hour
ive been here a while
one hour
a long while
one hour
since 8.30 even
one hour
doesn't seem so far
one hour
its gotten dark
one hour

- - - - - - - - - -

I have moved beyond the wire, over the wire and far away.
rock bottom has been hit, beaten, and confiscated for further questioning.

Further And I Taste Heaven

funny.

Of course the whole point is that we are 100% relient on him.

am i?

is a newfound enjoyment of ladytron simply my escape so i can ignore the enroaching feelings of fear.

What is there to fear..

what can fear do to me?

Fear paralyses you
Fear deceives you
Fear shrinks you
Fear discourages you
Fear denies you
Fear decides for you
Fear destroys you

Love empowers you
Love encourages you
Love envigorates you
Love accepts you
Love fights for you
Love builds you
Love creates you
Love accentuates you
Love appreciates you
Love enjoys you
Love cares for you
Love sides with you
Love challenges you
Love esteems you
Love grows you

why pick fear?

Realism is a philosophy based on Reason and subjectivity.
Realism says that unless two people can agree on a perception of reality, then it is not real.

When do two people ever agree?

The young lady who believes against all odds that she will be married and have a baby within a year with no husband on the horizon. the young man who believes he has already met his future wife and is simply biding his time.

The pastor who can see a congregation of 10,000 even though at most only 1,000 turn up for most services.

Realism is the physical side of life, and sometimes we believe that to be all there is, but how can a poor man rise to wealth, unless he can see beyond the physical and dream of being that person he will become.

We can only rise as far as we believe we can.

belief is not a physical thing, belief defies the physical.

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D-O-T-K

editing...

I find that I only ever post while processing video.

funny that.

Last night I opted to go to the prayer chapel and pray for 20 mins before the service.
Eventually a guy came up to me and prophesied over me about:

- Leaving the past behind. God has forgotten it & I need to ignore it and move on.
- God is going to do a new thing in my life.
- Fruit being formed.

There was something else along the lines of what I am trying to accomplish this year. All the short film projects...
I dont remember. that seems to be a thing with me and prophesy's, i forget stuff.

although God's grace will abound, and I think the important thing is to keep pressing into Him and allowing Him to remind me of the things He desires for me to do.

- - - - - - - - - -

I whizzed through my last assessment, life management. I am continually amazed at my ability with assessments this year.
i am able to start them before they are due and complete them in plenty of time. Its almost scary.
But i know that it is all because of God. It seems that some of our untapped potential gets released from satan's grasp when we start walking in line with what God is telling us.

- - - - - - - - - -

Phil talked about Prayer last night. the main thing I got out of it was that Prayer is what fills our power reserves.
the Christian life is not Hard... it is impossible. The only way we can acheive it is with the spirit and the way we do this is through prayer.

He also brought up fasting & how prayer and fasting also release power into your world. So i am thinking seriously about some prayer and fasting this week.

Someone just offered to loan me some money.
I'm thinking of taking it up.

We'll see what happens when i chat to Kerry tomorrow. I am still believing for that job, i have the faith 7 i am just hanging our to see it happen. God's timing requires us to rely on Him. Yah for God, and for the larger tests of faith that I am sure are around the corner. say for example this whole thing with that girl.

Hehe

J.